Having the “Downs”

I have been not feeling up to task lately. I am wanting to work on my business more, work on getting myself out there more, but things haven’t been going the way I had hoped. All predictions for Aquarius this month made me feel eager, ready to go, positive, but it is hard when you others just either don’t understand or just forget. So I have had to rethink this again.

What are my goals?
Can I make them?
Do I start from scratch AGAIN or just pick up where I left off?
How to get others in my life to understand?

Challenges & challenging.
I am the type of person that goes through stages when dealing with others.
Asking, pleading, nagging, then the angry woman. Why do I always have to go to the angry woman to get the point across & even so it lasts for like a day or 2?

So as I was thinking about this all yesterday, I have decided on a few things.
No matter what, no one here listens. I am talking to deaf ears, broken oath givers, & selfish egos.
I am on my own, so be on my own. Do my own thang & screw the consequences.
One site I will start from scratch, the rest I am keeping things how they are.
Keeping a business journal for each site I am using. Won’t be easy to remember, but I am going to do my best.
I want to be active on blogging & social media. I am going to try to work on that in November. Card of the day & so forth. Honestly, I just didn’t have it in me as I felt defeated.

I am going to try to rise from the ashes, create a personal affirmation for me for the day, & try to move forth with a smile on my fucking face. Even though I feel I want to just crawl under a rock & stay there till the end of days. Like I said, I haven’t been feeling the best.

I cut off much communication from my guides. I hear them, I just needed my own way to think things through first. Aquarius loves independence & working on their own problems. We hardly ever ask for help or take the help received.

Most of all…I miss how I was. How I used to be. I wonder what happened to her at times? Where did she go? I am doing my best to find her again & bring her back to life. There are things I have done, that a person with lack of confidence wouldn’t have done & I used to be that girl. It just seems the past 3 years it just gets more & more like I have lost her. I keep pulling the Queen of Wands & damn it I need to get back to that firey flame. I have even thought about dyeing my hair a vibrant red just to re-enforce this.

Time will tell…